Feeling intensely blue.
I don't even know where to begin.
So maybe I'll start with a little bit of productivity:

Although the nurses cannot "enforce" anything per se, hopefully having the problem acknowledged will make it a little more real.
Though how much more real do I want it to be?
Enough to shake some fucking awareness into me, thanks.
If I keep denying this, I will undoubtedly die.
I will never get you back.

I never want to eat chips again. I forced three full bowls into myself tonight (on top of a fair it of other food) and was in tears not solely out of my usual shame, but also due to pain.

There are so many things that I am thinking of about at the moment, but my body doesn't have the strength to allow me to stay up any longer.
I'm going to listen to "Flux" by Bloc Party a few more dozen times, then I'll let myself sleep.