Journey to the Edge of my Television Tolerance.

Last night I watched a documentary on space & for once I found myself feeling thoroughly underwhelmed. It seemed to consist solely of special effects & gargantuam figures as opposed to real substance: numbers of epic proportions & unconventional measures of density;

"ONE TEA-SPOON OF THIS WHITE DWARF WOULD WEIGH THIRTY THOUUUUUUUUSSSAAAAAND TONNES"

That's cool, but what the fuck would one be using a tea-spoon for in outer space?

Journey to the Edge of the Universe is pitched as a "unique voyage" that "continues as we encounter the most beautiful, powerful and mysterious phenomena in the cosmos, from pulsars to supermassive black holes, star nurseries to quasars. Packed with wonder, excitement and even moments of terror, this 'cosmic zoom' reveals fascinating information that underlines our human connection with these spectacular and far-off phenomena.

Unfortunately, said-phenomena are barely investigated. We are sent spinning in a strangely nauseating way, dashing from one spectacle to another through time without any resolution on what this particular wonder was caused by, its purpose, its repercussions. These collossal cosmic creations are showcased for a moment - usually in the act of exploding or imploding or expanding so that they swallow surrounding stars, or occasionally shown in hypothetical acts of destroying Earth. Yeah, I'd be scared if they weren't located three-thousand lightyears from here.

Of course these galaxies are grand, and the way in which they are displayed & detailed is visually spectaculary- but there is no reason to exhibit them as sideshow attractions, listing their impressive measurements & might in what seems to be continous, odd acts of one-up-manship, near Freudian displays & comparisons.

Perhaps the volatility & potential violence meant to make me anxious- what was being suggested was surely supposed to be of some consequence, was intended to excite within me some fear for our future. But ultimately, I felt untouched by it all, how inconsequential in the near - or even foreseeable - future it seemed, but particularly by how incoherant it felt.

The worst part was that the central contention of the whole thing was that perhaps the survival of mankind could be ensured by the location of a "wormhole" which when used, could allow us to inhabit a "parallel universe where Earth was still in its prime".

Clearly, the target audience for this particular programme was obviously precocious eight-year-olds & your irritating uncle who has a passion for conspiracy theories & will proceed to lecture you about the impact of pulsar stars on our planet.

Rather than leaving me feeling enlightened, I found myself longing for some good old Stephen Hawking- or even better, a little visit to the planetarium. Rest assured, your mind will be actually be expanded with the knowledge that is been imparted to you, as opposed to being thrown in your face like propaganda.

I give it ★★☆ , or maybe that should be two red giants & one white dwarf. But then again, maybe it's the other way around because the small ones are more powerful, aren't they? Oh fuck this, I am so confused.

[By the way, Alec Baldwin is involved. This just lost a star for being annoying.]